Top 6 Non-Denominationally Chosen Holiday Sweaters for the Apocalypse

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The holiday season is now upon us, and you know what that means! Peppermint flavored everything, gingerbread houses, and cranky people trying to boycott Starbucks. To help get you prepared for this holiday season, we here at Eritas Daily have put together a short list of super swaggy sweaters for your unavoidable office party!

 

sweater1

Looking for something that mimics the traditional Christmasy-look with weird zig-zags and snowflakes but has basically nothing to do with Christmas? Still in the mood to PASS! THE CRAN-BER-RY SAUCE!? Head over to ThinkGeek for this Bob’s Burgers Holiday Sweater and  pray that you don’t get chased down by a giant candy-cane shaped vehicle this month. Or ever in your life, really. It seems like a traumatizing experience.

 

sweater2

Want to show that you’re hip to the cultural references AND incorporate fishnets while staying warm? Check out ModCloth’s It’s a Major Reward! Sweater. Bonus: the top of the sweater shows displays your emotional state to everyone around you, so you don’t have to worry about your drunkenly singing a super depressing karaoke rendition of Without You being a surprise to anyone.

 

sweater3

This sweater shouts “I HAVE WEIRD TASTES” but ALSO, like, the only people who will see this sweater and run the other direction are probably not the ones who you’re looking to get super close to anyway? The My Favorite Murder podcast’s Stay Sexy Holiday Sweatshirt is great for both finding the closeted Murderinos in your life AND for letting would-be office creepers know to stay far, far away from you.

 

sweater4

This sweater is a two-for-one deal: it plays on the classic tacky Christmas sweater designs without actually being a Christmas sweater AND it shows off your sharp, probably pun-based sense of humor. If you want to be pegged for next spring’s annual bake sale, then designer taraJcreative’s  Ugly Hanukkah Sweater is for you!

 

sweater5

Are you your office’s closeted Satanist who doesn’t actually believe in Satan, you just hate everybody? Do you savor the classic horror film interaction where everyone thinks that The Bad Guy™ is “just kidding lol” and then BAM he’s actually Jason Voorhees’s MOTHER?! Then head on over to wawes’s Redbubble page to order a Mad Reindeer sweatshirt. Or, you know, maybe head over to therapy.

 

sweater6

Do your favorite jokes make your kids groan? Are your kids actually just a bunch of neighborhood misfits who sometimes drive you around while you’re unconscious in the back of a stolen car? Are you Steve Harrington? Then consider investing in the Feliz Navi DAD – Ugly Christmas Sweater, designed by hudsonvibes. Nobody will be surprised when you respond to “I’m hungry” with “Hi hungry, I’m Dad.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

This list was compiled by Maggie McAlister, who used all the Yuletide Magic she could muster to pick out only sweaters and sweatshirts that are claimed to be ethically made and sold. Also, if you’re really, actually Steve Harrington, feel free to slide into her DM’s – she’s on Twitter @MadMaggs21, and she’s single.

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