(Planet formerly known as Earth, Void) On Thursday morning, the world woke up just as it always had. People went to work, dogs chased mailmen, and everything seemed to be in order same as always. However, things are not always as they seem. In fact, late on Wednesday evening, something happened. Something big. We apologize that you have to find out this way, but the world ended on Wednesday night, or didn’t you notice?

 

Now, we know you may be in shock, but despite the end of all that we have ever known or loved, we have to deliver this report to you, our valued readers. The end of the world did not come the way that we expected. It was not with an astroid, as movies would have us think. Aliens did not destroy us, although some sci-fi writers have lost bets thinking this is the way it would go. And it was not the nano-robots that Google has been developing, although that seems like the obvious culprit.

 

It was actually something much simpler, much less showy. Our world just ceased to be, and that was that.

 

At this point you are probably wondering, “Well how are you writing this and by proxy, how am I reading this?” And while it is a good question, it is irrelevant. The world is over bro, or haven’t you heard? None of this matters. Nothing I say will last longer than the time it takes to say it. Even as I type these words, the Void slowly reaches out it’s hand to drag them back with me along with them.

 

I, for one, have been so much happier since the world ended.

 

I have so much more time for activities. I read all of the books on my shelf, I cleaned up my cat’s litter box, and I even texted that one friend I always forget to text. Obviously they didn’t write back, but it’s the thought sent out into the Void that counts.

 

I could go on, but I feel like I am talking too much about myself. How are you? Do you miss the world? You shouldn’t. The world was dead and rotting from within, that’s why it ended. You should already know this. Now that the world is over, everyone knows everything.

 

That’s the real tragedy of this whole catastrophe: everyone knows everything, but we have nothing to do with this and no-one to talk with about it. Instead, we float silently through the Void forever, reaching out for something to grab onto and always just slightly missing. It’s torture and bliss all wrapped into one.

 

I’m so much happier since the world ended.

 

I’m so much happier since the world ended.

 

If I say this enough, maybe eventually I will mean it.

 

 

 

 

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who misses the world, but not all the bad stuff, just the good, duh. Follow him for more (or don’t. the world is over my guy) on Twitter @NPEllwood.