I Bought a Donald Trump Piñata and It Came With All of My Least Favorite Candies


Hey everybody, let’s just get this straight. Any American with a brain does not like Donald Trump (or Drumpf, link to John Oliver vid). I myself, an intellectual, resonate with that thought. So here’s my story, and in a sort of instant karma like way, I am going to tell you where my dislike for Trump has taken me.


I was throwing a birthday party for my son, Eric, who is now 2 years old and I thought ‘What the hell, I’ll just get a pinata I want since he won’t remember a thing.’ So I went to Walmart.com and found a Trump pinata for around $100. This is not a steal, and actually takes out a good portion of my paycheck, but let me remind you. Donald Trump is a misogynistic pig who does not have the the average American in his interests. Anyway, here’s where it gets sad.


When you buy a pinata don’t you expect candy from some of your favorite brands, such as Nestle? Such as Wonka? Such as Mars? I was seriously expecting to be stocked up on M&Ms and Kit-Kats for the entire year. After breaking the pinata, what I found was devastating. It was seriously just a bunch of rock candy and hard candies that my grandma used to keep in her purse. Yuck!. Not even the good colors of rock candy either like light blue (shouts out to Breaking Bad) or purple. I got rock candy of the colors yellow and orange. I mean how is this even appetizing? Like, who even wants to eat butterscotch covered in dark chocolate anyway? And how was this worth $100? I don’t even know why I bought this pinata for a party for my two year old when he’s not even gonna have any memory of the Trump presidency. Maybe he’ll be feeling the negative effects of trickle down economics, but will he remember this pinata? Who knows, all I know is that I won’t have my years supply of Kit-Kats and Milky Way like I thought I would. Man, do I feel ripped off. Almost as ripped off as the coal-miners who voted for Trump only to find out that their jobs would be wiped away by efforts for clean energy, that not even Trump himself approves of.


What has this world come to? I thought that I would be better off ordering this piñata online. There’s honestly no way I could have expected any real help or service from a Wal-Mart store that only has 2 registers open. How dare I ask for real customer service. Next time, I’ll take my business elsewhere, where the employees actually know what kind of dang candies are in the piñatas.





This article was written by Brandon Deleon, who was born before time.


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