I, Chris Chapman am now dedicated to solving Earth’s energy crisis. I have just found out that natural gas is an energy source! Wake up people! We produce this everyday. How is it that we’re not all contributing? I would imagine this is the least we could do. In 2016, natural gas contributed 33% of the United States’ energy production. Hell, my diet of baked beans, cookies, and beer will definitely ensure I have enough gas to hopefully contribute my fair share of energy. Maybe my wife’s diatribes of how useless I am will finally come to an end when she sees how much I’m giving back to our country.
I’m always hearing about fracking and environmental issues involving our energy resources. What’s the big deal? We all fart (except my wife). Whatever they need to do, hook me up to tubes, take samples of gut bacteria, I’m ready. According to a Yahoo! search, natural gas will not power my car, but if my body can produce enough gas to power, like an alarm clock or something, I’m pretty sure I’ll have made my parents and wife proud.
So here I am, proud gas producer, Chris Chapman, and I’m calling upon you to do something about our energy crisis. Please everyone, let’s get this issue off the news so they can focus on real issues. I’m currently looking into ordering funnels and jars to store my gas. After a week or so I may have enough to power my own home, and then the city will owe me money! Ha, they are gonna rue the day that this article comes out and changes energy for the better.
This article was written by Brandon Deleon, who could power an entire city with his smile.