I, Like Sufjan Stevens, Love to Start Big Projects and Then Complete Roughly 4% of Them


(Detroit, MI) The whole thing started here, in the heart of Michigan and the place where Eminem spawned. Known now as Sufjan Stevens, when he was growing up most Detroit residents knew him as Butterscotch for reasons still unknown. It was here that he began to fall in love with a state. That state being the state of Michigan of course. Soon you could not go more than 5 MySpace pages without hearing the pluckings of Sufjan’s guitar. Or banjo. Or whatever. Next, he fell in love with Illinois, and soon, he will find a new love. It is his goal to fall in love with and write an album for each of the states, and in relatable fashion, he has completely roughly 4% of this project.


You see, I understand Sufjan and his struggling. I have done the same thing plenty of times, like when I declared that I would go to all fifty states before I turned 30 and I only went to Oklahoma and Vermont. 30 whole years wasted! I could spit.


Or that time I tried to memorize the 100 New Rules of the Universe but I could only remember #7, #19, #49, and #78. Okay I’ll tell you them.


Rule #7: Enjoy the Chipotle Moments™ in your life.


Rule #19: Never forget that someone is watching.


Rule #49: Death to carbs, long live proteins. Eat the marrow, eat the flesh.


Rule #78: Nobody will tell you the way to the light. Only you can see it, only you can find it. Trust yourself.


How about that other time where I was supposed to recruit 400 friends to join the sacred calling of the First Gods but I could only find 16. I was banished to a sunless, godless rock somewhere deep in space. I was alone for years, lost in oblivion. I would have brought more friends if I had known the consequences. I would have returned more phone calls.


Ugh, and don’t even get me started on that time I said I would lie to everyone for a “promotion gimmick” 50 times and I only did it twice. Would be funny, huh. You reading this, Butterscotch?


You feel me, bud?


Good. I’ll see you soon.






This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who doesn’t believe in the concept of the Void, but the law is the law. Follow him for more void musings on Twitter @NPEllwood.


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