Well guess what? You’re right! My name is Ray Kendrossin and I do not believe in the government. I am such a firm believer in this that I have tried my very hardest to take myself completely off the grid. I have a PO box for receiving mail and my weekly readings, but other than that I am little more than a ghost. Most of my time is spent walking the woods and yelling about taxes in the town square. I’m a libertarian, and I’m not afraid to admit that. Or the fact that I worship my Ron Swanson poster every night before bed. Is that what you wanted to hear?
I guess maybe I am sick and fed up with people trying to steal my gold, ok? I live in a trailer for a reason, and that reason is quick getaways. People read about my attempt to leave society behind and yet still think I would appreciate visitors coming to ask me questions. As soon as they are out of their cars I make a run for it in my trailer and get out of town, on to somewhere people respect my privacy.
And I guess I am tired of explaining my beliefs to people. I mean, most people watched Parks and Recreation, right? They’ve seen the Ron Swanson memes. How do they not understand what I believe? I believe in the absence of belief, in the absence of control. I am not going back to the grid and I’m starting to think that we’d all be better off without it. I mean, who even needs memes? We have free thought. We have our heroes. We have Walden.
Although, Thoreau didn’t even do his own laundry, he just took it to his mom down the street, so what did he know?
But, you know, now I’m thinking, “What’s next for Ray Kendrossin?” I mean, I’ve got things pretty well handled in my life and all that, but how am I supposed to live my life when people don’t respect my values? My very being? I do not ask for much, I simply want to live in the woods and pretend that I’m Paul Bunyan. Why won’t you let me have this?
I guess it just goes to show what they say, “Junior year is always the craziest of high school.” Peace out gang. HAGS.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who prefers to eat his taxes, but that’s a personal choice that he wouldn’t infringe upon others. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.