Whoops! Looks like we’re gonna need that certificate back, bud. This may sound extreme, but hey, we weren’t the ones forgetting Matthew 7:5 at a dinner party, were we? I mean, log in the eye, that’s a classic verse. That was like day one Cubbies my guy. Now, the rules were very clear when you received your Awana recognition certificate that you never forget a single verse and it is obvious that this is not the case for you. So, you know, hand it over.

Listen, I understand this is shocking. You know, most people we speak with lose their certificates for something more obscure. Like Song of Songs 8:6 or something. But no, you forgot a verse that has essentially evolved into just a colloquial saying. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior.

We here at the International Awana organization believe in helping youngsters of all backgrounds to memorize Bible verses and it’s clear that you just don’t have the juice. You don’t have what it takes to be an Awana recognition certificate holder and that’s something you will have to come to terms with in your own time.

There are ways that you can earn your certificate back. For instance, relearning all previous Bible verses and then tracking down your former Awana instructor. Then, they have to quiz you on every single verse and only once you have proven to know every single one will you be allowed to reclaim your certificate.

Or, you know, just leave us a good rating on Yelp. Any press is good press, right?

Anyways, see you at the annual Awana get together at the peak of Charles Mound for some fun verse-themed games!

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who knows a thing or two about 2 Timothy 2 if you know what I mean. Only church kids will get this one. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.