Incoming health tip – ring the alarm! You know those nights where you just can’t sleep? Sometimes it’s due to too much caffeine, but mainly it’s due to fear, right? That’s what I thought. Well guess what, I am about to blow your mind. You can just take that fear and eat it right up with a spoon! Yeah, isn’t that wonderful? Just slurp it right up and all of your problems will go away!
The fear eating technology is pretty simple and has been around for since the dark ages. Monks from Ireland or something began the practice by reciting their fears into the cold dark of the night until those fears materialized in front of them. They then would make a nice tea and enjoy their fear like civilized people. And you can too!
Using our new and improved system, you no longer have to recite your fears into the cold dark of night, because it’s 2018 and we have apps now. Simply write down your fears in our Android and iOS app and hit send. Then, in 2-3 weeks you will receive your fear in a small little pouch for you to eat at your leisure.
To really step up your game you can add in some superfoods like blueberries or the Glucose Medicine. This will mask the sulfuric smell that usually comes from fear.
Other than that, it goes down like yogurt! So eat your fear today and get rid of that pesky bad brain stuff.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who likes the word ventricle. Follow him on Twitter @NPEllwood.