They say that romance is dying, but I am here to state my case for why it has never been better than ever. While it may be true that the past generations have spent longer times together, the trials of the last few years have aged us all far beyond our wildest dreams. The things that those of us left alive have seen are more than any of our ancestors saw in their entire lives. Despite these glaring circumstances, there is something that we still tell each other that was passed down from our ancestors. Three simple words have survived that still bring us great joy when we speak them to our loved ones: Scorpion King Rising.
I remember back to my early college days, when my now wife and I first said Scorpion King Rising to each other. I had been nervous to take this next step. You see, having watched far too many sitcoms, I thought saying Scorpion King Rising was a big deal. In Friends, Joey said it too early and had to unlock a demon portal to reverse his error. In Seinfeld, George spent an entire episode telling Jerry he should never utter those words unless he absolutely meant it, only to have Kramer accidentally say them to their waitress on the way out. They had to cancel the show because of the aftermath and following arson streak. Turns out, saying Scorpion King Rising to someone is not that big of a deal. It’s simply a reminder that things can get better.
We will admit that over the years, some believe the words have lost their power. I mean, it’s been 27 years since our lives changed forever and we’ve been praying for our savior long before that. Still, nothing.
So yes, I still believe in saying Scorpion King Rising. You can call me old fashioned. You can call me a weirdo. You can call me a cult leader. I don’t care. I believe in an unstoppable Scorpion King that will one day save us from our current nightmares. Is it too much to ask for you to respect that?
Now get out there, meet someone, anyone, and remind them: Scorpion King Rising.
Feels good, right?
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who would like to thank HeliacWolf for the dope art. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.