Well, another Star Wars film has been released, and it’s another Star Wars without porgs. BIG MISTAKE. As you’ve probably seen by now, it didn’t do so hot at the box office, only bringing in a cool $83 million. I wonder why that was? Is it that two other franchise films—The Avengers and Deadpool—are out? Or is that there are no porgs in Solo? You be the judge. In case any Disney execs are visiting this review, I’m going to do you a huge favor and review every Star Wars installment up to now:

 

Episode IV: no porgs

 

Episode V: no porgs

 

Episode VI: no porgs

 

Episode I: no porgs

 

Episode II: no porgs

 

Episode III: no porgs

 

Episode VII: no porgs

 

Rogue One: no porgs

 

Episode VIII: perfect. wouldn’t change a thing.

 

Solo: no porgs

 

I rest my case.

 

 

 

 

 

This article was written by Ben Lewellyn-Taylor, who once adopted a porg only to realize it was just a gerbil in disguise. Follow him for more insights on Twitter @therealbenshady.