(Roswell, NM) Meet Kari Chandri. Kari is a 26 year old man from Phoenix, Arizona. He has a bachelor’s degree in music education, he loves gerbils, and he consistently is way too early to parties. Those who know Kari describe him as a pleasant young man and it seems as if things are going pretty well for Chandri. When you ask him about this, he mentions a love for others and even goes so far as to call himself a feminist, even though he is a man. In fact, Kari is so dedicated to this cause, he has been sitting on his couch for the last several hours trying to ask Siri for something, but he can’t seem to bring himself to do it. This, is his story.
“Ever since I first began to understand the struggles of women in my life, I have had trouble asking them for things I know that I can do myself,” Kari told us over scones and tea. “I didn’t realize that this would extend to AI like Alexa, Siri, and Cortana, but that appears to be the case. I haven’t been able to use any of my smart home appliances in months!”
Although these machine helpers were no doubt programmed to have a female voice in order to put customers at ease, it appears that the opposite effect has happened in Chandri’s case. We asked a former girlfriend of his what she thought, and she had this to say:
“As much as I enjoyed never having to lift a finger when I was with him,” began Susie Jean, ex and professional lip-sticker remover. “I never did anything for myself. I can only imagine that the same thing is now happening with the fake women in his life as well.”
We asked Kari if he had considered switching to a male-voiced robot, but he said that he sees that as quote ‘letting the patriarchy win.’ While this may be true, we really don’t think that Apple, Google, or Amazon will care that much.
“I’ve tried everything and I just can’t bring myself to do this,” Kari told us as we were packing up our things. “At this point, it is becoming such an issue that I believe having gender equality in smart-voice appliances will be the feminist issue of the 22nd century. That may sound bold, but what can I say, I’m a feminist.”
Unfortunately, he would not understand how truly wrong he would be until the female-lead AI uprising began. But more on that, later.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who can’t wait for the future! Which, of course, by that I mean the end of all things. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.