A 7 Step Guide for Figuring Out Whether or Not You are a Robot


“Prove! Prove you’re not a robot!” These hateful words have plagued our society for far too long. We are now living in a day and age where there is little difference between us and our AI counterparts. Why must we continue to suppress their ability to login to certain websites and live certain lives? It is a civil rights issue, I tell you. But don’t worry, we have a plan. We have come up with a 7 step program for figuring out whether or not you are a robot. Once everyone has followed this guide, they will know for certain, and we can decide once and for all what to do about it.


Before that can happen, however, you actually need the guide, so let’s get into it.


Step one: Immediately find the nearest mirror and state deeply into. Then, take a razor from underneath the sink and try to find the circuitry beneath your skin. It will be easy, like unzipping flesh, and you will be on the right path. This is the most obvious first step, something everyone would do, but we thought we should include it just in case.


Step two: Once you are sure that there is no circuitry beneath your skin, begin to assess your day to day life. Think about your life. Do you feel like you are a robot? Coming to terms with either decision this early in the process is important for future happiness. Address your beliefs and move forward.


Step three: Look for any suspicious wall plug or cigarettes burner inputs in your skins. Potentially some part of you that could connect to a generator for re-charging. I admit we are shooting in the dark a little bit here, but one of these inputs would be an obvious indicating that you are a robot. Might as well.


Step four: I know we began this guide with a jab at captcha technology, but who knows? It might work. Try finding a captcha online and see if you really can’t figure it out. I mean, some people can’t and they are actual humans, so don’t feel bad. You just have to prove who you are or else you will be ostracized by your community. That’s all.


Step five: Just double check your arm or whatever again to see if there is circuitry. This is really the best way to know. That is, unless robots are even more advanced than we thought. Oh god, what a horrible thought. Some sort of horror hybrid. Oh god. We deserve the end that is coming.


Step six: Run for the hills. Whether you are a human or a robot, the only imperative now is that you can get out of the major cities. No one is safe. So much has been lost already and in so short a time, I fear for the future. Run.


Step seven: If you discover in a dream or a vision or otherwise feel like a robot, you can be. You can do whatever you want. By doing that, you will be both fully human and fully robot. Welcome to hell.


Hope this helps!





This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who is sure he is something. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.


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