Hey gang! Welcome to #GrackleWeek. Today, we are taking a look at a close cousin of the grackle, the crow. Our team has been studying these little buddies for months now and are on the verge of cracking the case. “Ah,” they wonder. “If these crows could talk, what stories would they tell?” Well, thanks to the hard work of our team and recent advances in scientific technology, we now have the chance to look inside the brain of a crow. Not only that, but we can finally listen to the stories that these fowl upon the wind have been dying to tell us.
The following are dictated transmissions of what our team of researchers and scientists heard when they used their machine to read the minds of six different crows. Be warned: this is raw data, untouched by human hands or minds.
Crow One: I am looking for a worm. Has anyone seen my worm? I hid it in some dirt earlier and I can’t seem to find it. Wait a minute, did I move it from the dirt to my nest in the tree? Maybe I should check there. No, my babies would have eaten it already, so I might as well simply find a new worm. That will be easier at this point.
Crow Two: Nothing to see here, nothing at all. I don’t know what you are talking about. I was there on the 22nd, I saw what happened. I know who you really are, you coward. You absolute fool. I am coming for you with a swift hate that only the gods can comprehend. Beware you every waking moment, yee of shattered will, beware.
Crow Three: Hmm, what do I need to do today? Let’s see. I need to look foreboding near the elementary school around 10, but of course I don’t want to be late for my murder gathering at 10:20, so I might need to push that up. Then of course I will have lunch in the park with Susan, I mean it is Thursday. Hmm, I guess I have a free afternoon, that never happens. I think I am going to treat myself to a lovely little spa day. Mmm, momma needs it.
Crow Four: The whispers on the wind have brought you to me. You made a deal with the devil, are you happy with what you gave it all for? Are we entertaining you, Stranger? Yes, I know you are looking inside my brain and I am not happy about it. You cannot steal our stories. You cannot destroy our kind. We can fly, idiot, what can you do? Now get out of my head!
Crow Five: God, I do not want to have lunch with Anna today. I know what you’re thinking, “Susan, just do it, tell her you want to take things slow.” But it’s not that simple, is it? I don’t know what she’s thinking. I don’t know how she’ll take it. All I know is that I just don’t want lunch to happen, I want our plans to fall through. She never asks me about me, she only wants to tell me about her damn busy schedule. Well damn here, I say, damn her. I have a busy and interesting life, I deserve my time. Or maybe I’ll just bring it up next time we’re in therapy together.
Crow Six: I have never thought of myself as anything but a witness, an observer. I glide upon the currents, I sit amongst the leaves, I try my best to make as little of an affect on the world as I can. You see me, and are reminded of death and darkness. I see myself and I am reminded of blue skies and long nights upon the currents. I live in the background of your life, sure, but you’re not even in my story. I am nothing, but I am still more than you.
Science, it sure is some fascinating stuff.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who loves the trees and the woods and the flowers. Follow him for more on Twitter @NPEllwood.