(Naperville, IN) Over the last several years, there have been numerous reports about a chain of mattress retailers known as Mattress Firm popping up across the country. According to our sources, some cities have seen as many as five of these stores on one city block. The wild thing about all of this is that we have never heard of this brand before and neither have anyone we polled in the last six months. While the people we speak to online profess that this store is real, all of the people we have talked to on the street have no recollection of ever hearing of such a store. This leads us to the obvious question: is Mattress Firm fact, or is it fiction?
We first decided to survey our online audience. Since they were the ones who had originally brought this issue to our attention, it seemed important that we first learn what they thought they knew. Upon conducting numerous interviews, we established that Mattress Firm has been a part of these people’s lives for as long as they can remember. They literally can’t imagine a time without it. However, when asked if they have ever actually been inside of a Mattress Firm, no one can tell us a thing. Could this all have been as simple as a trick of the eyes? A mirage upon the horizon, a symbol of better times?
These otherwise intelligent (as far as we know) people were convinced that their reality was correct. They had no concept of anything other than what they saw with their own eyes. But what if it was all a hoax? What if it never happened? I will admit, the more we spoke with them, the more I started to believe their story. By the time we had finished our interviews with them, I couldn’t say that I understood them, but I think we had made progress. Maybe I ever thought they were telling the truth.
But then we spoke with people that we could see with our own two eyes, and we couldn’t find one damn person who had ever heard of Mattress Firm or the fact that they might be a money laundering front. Most people thought we were talking about Tetris or something and told us that they hadn’t played since they were a kid, which wasn’t helpful. Those who actually heard us correctly said that this was the first time they had heard those two words together like that and to “cut it out with that freak shit.”
Ultimately, we were unsure what we had learned. It was as if our world had split into two separate realities, like the Berenstain vs. Berenstein debate of 2015, only with mattress firms that no one can definitively prove are actually real. Our last stop was to the various listed Mattress Firm locations around our town, but all we found was a concrete building with a painted on facade with nothing behind it.
If you find yourself in a Mattress Firm, please document your findings and send them to us. One day, we may finally know the truth.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, boo. Follow him on Twitter @NPEllwood if you want.
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