(San Diego) Over the weekend, area woman and part-time jazzerciser Melody Campbell went out to a silent disco with some friends. While she had never experienced a silent disco before, she figured it would be a fun experience and was always looking to try new things. Once she arrived, however, Melody quickly realized that silent discos were a lot different than they seemed from the outside. As she put on her headphones, she was immediately put off. Everyone around her was dancing with reckless abandon and looked as if their favorite song was playing in their ears. Melody, on the other hand, was convinced a different song was playing for her.

 

How did she know? Because the song in her ears was Auld Lang Syne.

 

First of all, how are you supposed to move your damn ass to Auld Lang Syne? I’ll admit, singing it at New Years makes me emotional, but that’s because I have two ears attached to a beating heart, OK? It’s just not what you expect to hear out on the dance floor while a bunch of other people are dancing around you, obviously listening to some new Drake track, while you reflect on ‘old acquaintances.’ It’s just not fair.

 

And then, a hot Travis Scott joint comes on, and while everyone mouths along to the lyrics, Auld Lang Syne starts again. Again! This seemed almost torturous to Melody and she felt like going right up to the manager of the club and demanding her money back for this confusing experience. However, she was still in the very center of the dance floor and had limited mobility, so she just fumed in silence instead.

 

Just to make matters even worse, Melody was having trouble keeping up with her friends. They had agreed to a hand-holding situation earlier, but after a couple of drinks this began to go downhill almost immediately. Instead of guiding her, her friends were out dancing their hearts out to something she could only guess was an absolute banger. “This is why I hate going out,” she thought to herself. “Nothing ever goes right.”

 

When she had signed up for the silent disco, Melody had been bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. But now, she couldn’t imagine a world where anything would feel right ever again. The silent disco had stolen that from her.

 

But then she remembered alcohol existed. And everything was better.

 

 

 

 

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who is thinking about x-rays. Follow him for more musings bleh on Twitter @NPEllwood.