Why Go to Grad School When You Can Pay Me to Suck Out Your Soul Instead?


Going to grad school is all the rage these days. as everyone knows, grad school is a quick, easy way to put off getting a real job for 2, 6, heck even 10 years if you really try. The thing is, it turns out all those years of slacking off can be kinda pricey. i’m talking thousands of thousands of dollars. who knew it would cost so much to lose your soul?


Luckily for you, there’s a cheaper way to join the ranks of the numb and defeated.


Hi! My name is irma vep and I’m a licensed professional vampire with over 400 years of experience. I offer quick and painless soul extractions guaranteed to leave you completely empty inside. I’ve taken a number of classes to ensure my clients retain peak physical form, so if you give your soul to me, you’ll wander aimlessly farther and faster than the rest of the horde.


Do you really want to trade your soul for an expensive Ph.D.? No one will read your dissertation, no matter how many times you beg for feedback. seriously, they won’t. Skip all that nonsense and get the same result by scheduling a 30-minute session with me, irma vep. say goodbye to student loans and hello to the sweet silence of the void. The only thing you stand to lose is… well, your soul.


*prices may vary based on the quality of soul. call this toll-free number today for a free estimate: 1-800-CYA-SOUL





This ad was brought to you by irma vep, which is an anagram if you haven’t figured it out yet. this is NOT a frustrated response to writing a dissertation chapter. she’s just hungry for souls and tapping into a new market.


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