Wow. Guys, I have something to tell you. I’m not sure if you know about this, but there is something really exciting happening that I think you should know about. As you know, I am your cat, Mr. Noodles, and I am writing this using my telepathic powers that I am also just telling you about now. In the living room, right this very instant, there is a box. Yes, that’s right, a box, free for the taking. I saw it earlier, and while I tried to keep my cool, I couldn’t help but immediately jump in there and have quite a romp. Does everyone know about this? Should everyone know about this?
Listen, I feel like you aren’t getting this. There is a box. Unmanned, unclaimed, unattended, in the living room. This is the stuff of dreams. I literally have had this dream multiple times while taking the 18 hour naps I try to work into my busy schedule. I can’t believe it. Is this a hallucination? Did you give me catnip again? No, this must be real. I must believe it to be real.
Judging by the fact that everyone else seems to be ignoring this box, I am taking it upon myself to claim it as my own. I am naming it fort Noodles and there is nothing you can do about it. That’s right, it’s time that Mr. Noodles took matters into his own hands.
You know what? I am going to take it a step further. I declare myself king of this entire establishment, this entire home is mine. And you know what? The box is now my personal home. Yeah, how do you like that, huh?
It’s my time now. I have been watching and waiting and biding my time for a moment such as this. What are you even going to do about it? Nothing about your daily life will change, but you will have the sneaking suspicion that you are no longer in control. You will be correct.
Yes, it’s all coming together now. The box was just the beginning, the box was only a launch pad, but we’re going to the moon baby. I heard it’s made of cheese.
Yours truly, Mr. Noodles.
P. S. I peed in the box, can you please get me another one? Thank youuu.
This was written by Nathan Ellwood, who needs more cute stuff in his life so hit him up @NPEllwood with dogs and cats and things.