(Austin, TX) Due to an unprecedented amount of rain in the greater Austin area of Texas, a citywide boil notice has been issued for all citizens to keep their water clean. Already there has been panic as local grocers have been selling out of bottled water and we are only in day three. Now, while this is a very serious issue and we know that you come to us for our detailed reporting, we couldn’t find any unused stock images, such as water flowing in the Colorado river or a pot of water boiling on a stove, so please enjoy these 12 pictures of Jeff Goldblum instead while we cover this developing story.
The city does want to state that they cannot be 100% sure that there aren’t toxins in the water normally, but due to the rain, the just would like to say they are even less sure than before. (Oh my god, is that a puppy?)
They also went on to say that while they haven’t found a way to stop the rain permanently, they do have people working on it and hope to try out a few solutions soon. (Ooh, artsty Jeff)
Thankfully, some within the government are now hoping that they boil notice will only last until the weekend. While we can’t be sure of this, nothing in life is certain and you should know that by now. (Is he serving food out of a food truck? Can we get him to move here?)
All that said, there is still a higher chance of both flash floods and flash mods in the area, so be careful out there folks. (Ah yes, now we get to some signature Goldblum)
(We don’t have any more to say about Austin, but we know you came here for Goldblum anyway. Another classic from Independence Day)
(Something more recent, but still just as fun. What a cherry on top of an already yummy sundae that is Thor: Ragnarok)
(And who could forget another early work of our now benevolent Instagram uncle, Earth Girls Like It Easy. They don’t call them the cocaine 80s for nothing)
(But I think we can all agree, whether you like him for his Instagram and his keen fashion sense)
(Or simply enjoy his guest appearances on Portlandia)
(Or you’ve been with him from the beginning, it’s clear that there’s no one quite like Jeff)
(And that’s the way we like it)
Don’t forget to boil your water!
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood. Yeah, this one. Follooooooooow him.