As we all know, the world has always been flat and the myth of Antartica is one of the largest stains on our collective history as humans. That being said, we still haven’t gotten up the courage to go near enough to the edge of this (flat) Earth to peer over the edge and actually find out what is off the edge. What could it be? Literally anything, but we’re going to try and narrow it down. Here are our 5 theories for what is off the edge of the (flat) Earth.
Theory #1: At first glance, one would imagine that the first thing you would find is a great pool of water. I mean, the oceans are pouring right off the edge into it, right? Is it like some giant fountain and it’s just being recycled back up? What about the fish? Past this pool I imagine there is a long stretch of forest followed by a mountain range that stretches into the sky. I imagine spelunking down to this new, untouched biome, finally finding a new area of the world to explore. This theory is far too optimistic and the least likely to be true.
Theory #2: You spelunk off the edge of the world and become swallowed by the darkness. You continue to fall, feeling breathable air rush against your skin, unable to let it into your lungs. You are suffocated by this air and just as you are about to breathe your last, you hit the water. Or, at least you think it is water. You can’t really feel where you start and the void begins. You find yourself in complete darkness and will live out your days here, off the edge of the world, lost and forgotten. This theory is closest to the truth.
Theory #3: Off the edge is an endless sea of nothing. Looking into the abyss, you will see your own reflection and realize that your soul has been lost for years. This theory is a different kind of truth.
Theory #4: What will you find off the edge of the (flat) Earth, you wonder? Why candy of course. My name is Nathaniel Cornsyrup and I want to tell you about a place better than heaven, better than Earth. It’s Cornsyrup’s Kingdom and you’re invited. Scratch that, you’re already here. Stay with me and enjoy the sweets.
Theory #5: Finally, our last theory for what is off the edge of our flat, flat world is up to you. Like we said, no one has dared near the edge of our world for fear of being pulled down into the endless horizon. But what if something is there? What if you were to be the person to discover it? It can be anything you dream up if you manifest it. Manifest it and make it your destiny. Well, not that, but you know what we mean. You should be the one to unravel the mystery and then report back to us what you find. Cool, thanks.
Okay, that’s that. Thanks for tuning in.
This was written by Nathan Ellwood, who wants to give a shout out to “the people’s elbow.” Follow him for more @NPEllwood.