(Raleigh, NC) Over the last several years, there have been two growing trends that few have noticed until recently. One is the growing cost of rent, which I probably don’t have to tell you about. I mean, I’m paying more than my dad’s firstborn cost for a studio apartment and I have a relatively good deal for this city, so it’s likely that you, the reader, are experiencing something similar. However, the other trend you might not have noticed, unless you find yourself as part of the Bourgeoisie, is the slowly creeping popularity of Edison bulbs. Now, new research has shown that not only are these two trends linked, but they have serious implications. Let’s get into it.
So, due to factors like gentrification and high real estate prices, establishments across the country with little spending money are attempting to find new ways to be frugal. One of those ways, starting a few years to go and imported directly from Sweden via IKEA, is Edison bulbs. Thanks for that, Rosenzweig. Yes, that’s right, those cute little filament bulbs are the downfall of America. Let me explain.
You see, at first, these restaurants and apartment complexes were simply trying to give off the vintage vibe. Starting in the 80s, most who were buying Edison bulbs were doing so to set the scene like it was much earlier in time. However, what unfortunately happened is that people began to associate this vintage setting with a higher quality product, meaning that any bozo could string up a few Edison bulbs and start charging more for their soups, salads, and studio apartments. According to the aforementioned study, the creeping popularity that has now reached critical levels of these lamps is artificially inflating rent prices.
Capitalist opportunists are now buying up land to build cheaply made restaurants, bars, and tiny homes, filling them with Edison bulbs to offer some credibility, and making an enormous profit. Leaving us the out in the rain like a bunch of schmos.
But, what, in the end, is to be done? These folks are just going to keep making buckets off of abandoned lots turned into dog parks and food truck lots. Sure, they’re giving us a dope place to hang out, but imagine what would be possible if they put the Edison bulbs away for once and actually charged people what they paid. In my mind, that’s a more equitable society.
Also, you’ve seen one Edison bulb, you’ve seen them all. Like, I truly don’t get it.
This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who once ate an Edison bulb and was blessed with the power to cast lightning spells for 1d8 damage. Follow him online @NPEllwood