Local Man Wanted to Watch Super Blood Wolf Moon, But Hasn’t Seen the Prequel Yet


(Austin, TX) When asked if he had seen the much anticipated “super blood wolf moon” this past weekend, local apartment locating specialist and self-proclaimed AirPod aficionado Tanner Wilson met his social demise. Despite having encountered the deceitfully folkloric phrase various times whilst skimming news headlines in his social media feed, Wilson was indeed unaware of the lunar phenomenon that swept the globe late Sunday night. Faced with such an apparently topical inquiry, the man was quickly overcome by insurmountable apprehension of the social invalidation that would surely come with having never witnessed the spectacle. Thus, in an air of confident ignorance he begrudgingly reported that, although he had fully desired to view it, Wilson was unable to witness the display on the basis that he “never saw the first one.”

The three and a half seconds of agonizing silence that would follow “felt like a lifetime,” according to Dakota Scott, Wilson’s now ex-best friend who had approached him with the aforementioned query. Contrary to his apparent awareness of current events and round-the-clock access to socially applicable content, the 20-something pseudo-intellectual Tanner Wilson had in fact secretly been “out of the know” throughout the extent of his and Scott’s nearly 6-month-long friendship. Scott’s response upon discovering this comprised a scoff of disbelief, succeeded by a condescendingly sarcastic description of the renowned eclipse, which catapulted the two into what can only be described as a gnarly social predicament.


The interaction came to an abrupt end when a devastatingly embarrassed Wilson delivered visibly forced laughter born of sheer discomfort before pretending to accept a phone call and swiftly vacating the premises.

Scott later tweeted several photos of Sunday night’s display, accompanied by an anecdote detailing the encounter. The two have since lost touch.





This wonderful piece was written by Patrick Barsallo, who can’t wait for Super Blood Wolf Moon 3: Revenge of the Tides. Follow him on Instagram here @Paddy.jpeg.


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