This Man Was Born in an IKEA, You’ll Never Guess What He’s Up to Now

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(San Antonio, TX) 40 years ago today, a man named Lars Bjorn-Angles’s mother was out at an IKEA looking for reasonably priced furniture. She also happened to be 9 months pregnant. Right as she reached for a koppla to put in her cart, her water broke and over the course of a 30 minute sitcom episode her baby was delivered. Bored news reporters talked about the IKEA baby for years, giving updates every couple of months or so. But then they moved on and Lars continued growing up. Now, for the last 18 years, Bjorn-Angle has been making a name for himself in a field closely related to his first moments. Where is IKEA baby now? He’s designing your modernist glass home.

 

“I don’t think the two things are related,” Lars Bjorn-Angle tells me as he sits down for our interview. “I know you’re going to try to tell people that my being born in IKEA has an effect on my work, but I just won’t have it. My homes are uniquely designed and architectured by me and no one else. There is definitely not a malevolent IKEA spirit controlling my every move, trying to take up more space on this plane.”

 

“Now, that’s interesting,” I replied. “Because you just brought up this malevolent IKEA spirit of your own free will and that seems like a strange thing to do. Thoughts?”

 

“Listen, it’s been 40 years since that happened and I believe I can call myself a self-made man, so it really bugs me when people don’t believe I have any talent, but instead that I am in some sort of ratatouille scenario with the spirit of an IKEA and that everything good in my life has come from this accident that was my birth.”

 

“Again, I didn’t say any of that. Also, I don’t think people believe that about you. We were just here to do an interview with you about the house you just built that disappeared yesterday. Any word on that?”

 

“That happens sometimes,” Lars quickly quipped in reply. “I don’t want to talk about my buildings disappearing and I don’t want to tell you about the nightmares and I certainly will not describe in detail to you exactly how many times I felt my body moving without my permission. I have eight PR firms working for me for a reason. I know what I’m doing. I just don’t talk about my big secrets.”

 

“Ok Lars, we can change the subject. How’s your family? I heard you’ve been working on some smaller houses for them.”

 

“Don’t talk about my kids. And for your information, the smaller houses are for dogs. I’m done with this. Enjoy writing the smear, I don’t even care. Here’s a headline for you: IKEA Baby Bitter Like the Rest of Us.” With this, Lars left the building while flipping us off.

 

There’s definitely something Swedish going on with this. More if there ever is more.

 

 

 

 

 

This was written by Nathan Ellwood, who live in an IKEA for awhile, but got tired of the meatballs. Follow him @NPEllwood.

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