Hi there! I’m so glad you found my recipe, I’ve just been dying to share it with you. I just wanted to make sure that I had perfected it before I released it upon the world. Nothing short of perfection with me, but you’ll understand that soon. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “A vegan grilled cheese? No way!” But trust me, it’s possible, we’ll get there. First though, I need to give you some background so you can fully understand what it means to make this grilled cheese.

I originally learned this recipe from my great aunt. She was a chef in a former life and would always have us over to cook us the most delicious things, we could always count on her for a treat. Long before I realized I suffered from a debilitating tomato allergy, she would make us a wonderful tomato soup. What better accompaniment for such a treat as a grilled cheese. At first I would simply watch in awe, but as I grew older and into my vegan phase, I learned how to cook them myself. Mainly because my great aunt thought it was dumb and wouldn’t do it for me any more.

I would use this vegan cheese that I got from down at the super market, but it just wasn’t the same. I knew it was worth it for the cause, but I knew there had to be another way. I began to order my cheese online from a specialized distributor. Next thing I knew, I had started a little cheese selling business out of my house and I was flying high and I’m never coming down baby.

Now let’s talk bread. The classic debate is white or wheat, but I’m honestly more interested in sourdough or ciabatta. I gotta say I’m a sourdough gal myself and that’s what I would recommend. You want to make sure and get that from your local farmer’s market or bread factory. If it’s haunted, that’s even better. There is just something about the way ghoul’s make bread that gives it an extra little something. Try it, you’ll see wht I mean.

It was actually my own mother that taught me this last bit. For butter, whip up some real quick by melting an egg into some flour and throwing it up in the air like a pizza. Catch the butter in your hands and then wipe that on the bread for an authentic feel. Even that reminds me of home.

And don’t even get me started on frying techniques, get out of here! I used to get in the biggest fights with my uncle about this. He would argue that the Kinsler method is best, but I knew from years of watching chopped that the Jaruth method is more widely accepted. I just can’t wait that guy.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh ri-

This was written by Nathan Ellwood, who must report that this piece is incomplete, as the author was snatched away in the middle of dictating it to me. Our bad. Follow him @NPEllwood.