Gather around everyone, young and old, to hear an unlikely Valentine’s Day tale. This time of year, we all gather together to spend time with our loved ones and celebrate the love we all share. Unfortunately, not everyone always feels that love, especially monsters. Even with more people than ever wanting to date monsters, some actual villains like The Wolfman and Dracula get left out in the cold. Thankfully, today we have a story of love with an antagonist gone right. We humbly present: Thursday the 14th: A Jason Voorhees Love Story.
It was Sunday night on the eve of Valentine’s week and our antihero finds himself wondering what he will get up to on the 14th. “I’m usually more of a Friday the 13th guy myself,” he thinks. “But maybe this year I’ll try something different.”
Caught up in the spirit of the holiday, Voorhees spends the next 3 days in his basement planning out his elaborate lovey-dovey scheme. He was crafting, he was artsing, he was getting into the glitter and finding his inner child. He had never felt so connected to something before and his heart began to grow in capacity. Before he knew it, the day in question arrived and he prepared himself to complete his noble, romantic task.
The person in question was an old college friend of Jason’s who had always been in a relationship when he was single and vice versa. He knew that they were going to be spending the night at home because had hacked into their Google calendar earlier that month and they were kept to it pretty strictly. While they were away at work that day, Jason crept into their house and set up the scene. He couldn’t wait to see their response.
When Kerry got home from work, they found themselves feeling a slight chill as they entered their home and set down the groceries they had bought to cook themselves a nice dinner. Just as they made it to the kitchen, a carefully place skateboard sent them scooting into the next room. This was where they were thrown into an elaborate trap that wrapped them in a tight mummy-like blanket. They then fell to the ground, screaming in terror, as someone began to drag their body out into the street.
They immediately knew they were outside because it was raining. They were already thinking of how they would recognize where they were going if they needed to escape. At some point they were dropped in the middle of the street. This was when Kerry realized they could simple unwrap themselves. What they found was Jason, wearing his hockey mask, holding a bouquet of flowers.
“Will you be my Valentine, Kerry?”
And the rest, as they say, is history. By that I mean she said yes and they went on a couple of dates but it didn’t work out in the end. But that happens sometimes, doesn’t mean it’s not still a good story.
Have a good one!
This little ditty was composed by Nathan Ellwood, who you can follow here and also what ever happened to the slime man?