In honor of the 54th anniversary of the release of a classic tune, we here at Eritas Daily decided to give this song the review it so desperately has been needing. You might think, what more could possibly be said about a song half a century old? Good question. Recently, we have noticed that there has been a sharp uptick in Sad Boy activity around the country, reaching historic levels in 2018. Over the last several months we have traced these unprecedented activities back to two men you may be familiar with. That’s right, it’s Simon & Garfunkel and their ahead of it’s time sad boy hit “I Am a Rock.”

 

Let’s just disect this baby line by line.

 

A winter’s day
In a deep and dark
December
I am alone
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock
I am an island

 

Right off the bat, we’re cold, it’s winter, we’re alone, we’re gazing at people out the window. This is peak sad boy activity. But then, straight from talking about snow, the singer states “I am a rock, I am an island.” The levels to that. Wow.

 

I’ve built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain
I am a rock
I am an island

 

Sounds like someones D&D group didn’t go as they were planning. Come on. “A fortress deep and mighty?” That’s some DM woes if I’ve ever heard em.

 

Don’t talk of love
But I’ve heard the words before
It’s sleeping in my memory
I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock
I am an island

 

I would say that we are almost hitting critical levels of sad boy with this verse, but this is nothing compared with the next two. That being said, I will say that “If I never loved I never would have cried” is a great line.

 

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock
I am an island

 

This is it. This is the big time say boy hours. “I have my book and my poetry to protect me.” Man if that makes you a sad boy call em a sad boy, but I relate. “Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.” Poetry. “I touch no one and no one touches me.” I’m literally crying.

 

But of course, you can’t end it like that. You have to end it the only way masters of the art like Simon & Garfunkel can.

 

And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries

 

*Chef’s kiss* Perfect. Sad boys were only an inevitability after this song was written. End of story.

 

 

 

 

 

This article was written by Nathan Ellwood, who enjoys some sad boy art but on the whole is wary. Follow him @NPEllwood.