As we all know, life is about nothing more than being cool. Being the flyest at the fest, being the wildest at the workplace, this is what it means to be alive. For many years in the 00s, being the coolest meant having the dopest space in the blogosphere. Now, more entrepreneurs and other cool cars are realizing that actually the trillest thing you can do is have a dope swamp. You heard it here first folks: caring about your blog is out, caring about your bog is IN.

That’s right. Millionaires everywhere are getting into bog estate, which is like real estate but for terrible lowlands with almost zero productive value. That is, until now. Extreme renovators are taking on the challenge that is the swamplands of America and turning a profit on some serious Fixer Uppers if you know what I mean. These places were dumps before the good people at HGTV found them. Dumps!

Why bogs? The question asked round the world as the internationally wealthy made their way to the murkiest of places. Bogs offer an opportunity that almost nowhere else can. They are chaotic, they are threatening, they are homely. They are literally the whole bag of chips and then some. Believe the bog hype, it’s all very real. And most importantly, bogs often are seen as international bodies of water by judicial bodies, so basically anything goes.

Personally, I can’t wait to go live in a new biome. So much flora and fauna to familiarize myself with. I just can’t wait to see what’s out there. Who knows? Maybe I’ll settle in for a nice mud bath or visit the local hag for a brew of her famous kelp stew. The world is my oyster, as they say, and this bog is no different. I intent to make my way in this new world of swamps and you can expect to see me in the news one day for my conquests.

So whether you are young or old, rich or poor, goofy or loopy, try moving your tush towards the nearest swampy locale and setting up shop. Who knows? It might be just the thing you need.

Plus, if you get in on the trend now before it is seen as “cool,” you, might be able to make some serious cash. Just one professional to another.

This was perhaps written by Nathan Ellwood the yodeling boy from up north. Follow him @NPEllwood on most platforms, now including Letterboxd.