(Linden, TX) “Zeppelin, dude? You don’t know Zeppelin, bro?” This is what we hear as we enter the offices of Zilker & Zilker, a local RV sales company. The man saying this is everyone’s least favorite coworker, Dan Stevens, who is talking with an associate about what music to play for the afternoon. “Come on, what about Floyd? Oh, don’t you do this to me.” Just as we reach Dan’s coworker, Stevens stormed off into a conference room where he could properly vent his frustrations. Although, it was ultimately his own lack of comprehension that was driving him mad.

As we approached the conference room, we heard snippets of Stevens’ tirade. Words such as ‘idiot,’ ‘savage,’ and ‘nincompoop’ were heard through the thick concrete walls. We thought it best to wait outside the door for a couple of minutes before asking Dan for an interview. I don’t know what it was about it, but we just had to get the story.

Knocking as I opened the door, I announced myself to him like a small woodland animal. “Hey there, Dan is it? Hey bud listen, we just heard what happened out there and we want to get your take on it. No presh though if this isn’t your thing.”

“No, people need to hear my side of this. It’s time. Pull up a chair.” With that, Dan pulled up a chair at the conference table and motioned for us to do the same. “What do you want to know? That I think classic rock is the only worthy genre? Because that’s actually true, I do think that.” By this point, both of his feet were propped up on the table, like an absolute Johnson.

“Yeah, that’s about it. Just run with that and we’ll get the other side of the story later.” If we’re being honest, we were egging hard.

“I mean, it’s objective, isn’t it? The test of time has shown us over the last 30 or so years that these are the best songs that have been written and we should just be happy with them, listen to them on repeat, and never grow or change. This can’t just be me, right?” Dan takes off his baseball cap and scratches his head in exasperation. “I am sick and tired of people trying to make me change when I don’t want to. You can’t control my life and run it into the ground, that’s my job. Oh damn, my boss is calling me back. I gotta make some calls, but don’t ever stop listening to classic rock!”

With that, he left and went straight back to his job making phone calls all day. We tried to find the coworker Stevens had berated earlier, but he had already resigned his position. Dog eat dog, as they say.

The only satisfaction we found in the visit was that as we left, the sounds of Smoke On the Water carried through the air and part of us wondered if Dan was right. Nah, that guy is nuts.

This was scribed by Nathan Ellwood, the man who sold the world for some Double Stuffs. Follow him @NPEllwood.