Don’t Think About What Happens in the House at the Edge of the Woods


Here is some advice, don’t think about the house at the edge of the forest. Don’t consider what might be lurking behind those shuttered windows and barred doors. Don’t think about why the lights are still on, despite the fact that you know it has been abandoned for more than a year. Don’t think about what lies deep within the dark corner of the upstairs room. Don’t think about it’s many rows of teeth. Please, try not to imagine what lies beneath the overgrowth that has consumed the outside of the house, I am begging you. Most of all, don’t think about the woods beyond and what lies hidden within.


Oh no, you’ve definitely thought about it, haven’t you? Well, while you’re in that headspace, join me on a speculative tour. First, let’s discuss the house. We know it is abandoned, but we also have seen windows opening and closing, lights turning on and off, and something with a great many teeth sitting in the corner of the upstairs room. But who owns this property? Is it haunted? How many ghosts do you think? I’m guessing over five at least.


What about the overgrowth? It must be teeming with worms and bugs and other creepy crawlies. I’m getting the skin ripples right now just thinking about it. Or maybe, it’s hiding the bodies of the family that use to live here, but it’s not actually the family, it’s just their bodies with like horse heads or something. I don’t know, Boots Riley is in my head. Just, just don’t think about the horse people in the front yard.


And don’t even, don’t even get me started about the forest beyond the house. It is large, it is wide, it is all-encompassing, and it is no doubt full of nightmares that we have not even begun to imagine. I’ve seen movies, I know what lies under the dark canopy of the gloomy woods. I see those beasts in my dreams every night and trust me, they should remain in my head and not in the world, but I know that they will become real just to spite me. Oh the drama of it all. Don’t think about the drama of it all.


Most of all, do not imagine the dark cabin deep in the woods with the lone silhouette of a woman standing there in glow. Don’t consider who she is hiding in her closets and chests. Don’t think about how easily you could save them. You could take the dark figure in the window, right? You’re strong, you work out. You got this. Forget what I said earlier. Think about the dark figure in the window. Attack the dark figure in the window.





Thanks for the image brokennightlight. This was written by Nathan Ellwood, who drank the Kool-Aid and all it tasted like was corporate greed. Follow him @NPEllwood.


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