Top 10 First Words of Children Born in 2040

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As we look to the future, it can be difficult to be optimistic in the face of the million things that all seem to be going on at the same time. However, being pessimistic is not what we are about and we like to keep our heads in the clouds, just expecting everything to work out. Until recently, there has been nothing to confirm that this is a good idea or a good thing to put our faith in. But, last night we were visited by a time traveler from the distant year of 2040. They were quick, they were succinct, and they told me the top ten first words of babies born in that year. Then, he was gone. Here, is what he said.


10. “Skeleton Grass.” 

This could potentially mean many things, but I like to believe that it is a new species of grass that will be discovered and this little 2 year old scientist is telling us all about it.


9. “Doo-da.”

A classic. Good to see kids won’t change that much between now and then.


8. “Crypto-capitalism.” 

Ooh, that doesn’t sound good. Considering this isn’t a word now, the fact that it has reached far enough to effect the minds of children is absolutely horrifying.


7. “Benard Jalopy.” 

Sounds like gibberish, but maybe there is more there. We’ll probably actually never know.


6. “Glorp schmorp.” 

Another classic. Love it.


5. “Glow up, am I right?”

Hmm, I am trying to think positively on this one, but from context this feels like a baby will know about Instagram before it can talk and will think that it being able to now talk can be considered a ‘glow up.’ #hellworld, am I right?


4. “Crypto-pocalypse.”



3. “Mom and Dad and Brian and Terry and Craig.”

Family names? Their captors? The last 5 people on earth? I like to think it’s their first five friends, but that seems almost too easy. Who knows. Maybe the future will be super cool.


2. “Hello world.”

Definitely at least part robot, but I guess that is to be expected. I need to ruminate on this, I don’t know if it is sitting well with me.


1. “It’s a wonderful Prime to be alive.” 

Ah, it’s as I thought. I tried to be optimistic, I tried to keep a positive outlook, but this clearly means that Amazon will have essentially taken over the world, right? I mean, what else? I don’t even know to do with this info. Why didn’t he tell us anything else about the future? God, kind of just a dick move. Whatever.


Pretty neat, huh. Well, see you next time!






This was written by Nathan Ellwood, that’s me, hi, hello. Watch Into the Spider-verse. Also follow him on Twitter, not Facebook the broken site, @NPEllwood.


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