2019 Super Worm Moon Claims Thousands of Lives


“The screaming is the part that still hasn’t left my head,” reports one local businesswoman. “Just the almost endless screaming. I never thought it would stop.” Well, if you made it through the night, good morning. We have survived another Super Moon, but just barely. Last night, a rare Super Worm Moon was seen in the night sky and while millions of beings around the world basked in its wormy glow, thousands more were destroyed. It is with a heavy heart that we must report that the 2019 Super Worm Moon has claimed thousands of lives and some are even saying it was our deadliest lunar event in recent history.


So, how does a Super Worm Moon claim thousands of lives? That was our question. After doing some digging, we found out something truly disturbing. For years, government agencies globally have made sure that any reports of moon-related disturbances and/or fatalities have been suppressed and eradicated before they could reach the wider public. Looking deeper, we found countless stories of families who have lost loved ones to the moon’s wrath. We tried to reach out to these people to hear their story, but none of our emails were returned. For all we know, this could all be part of the governments suppression.


That is, until now. With such an unprecedented amount of lives lost last night, we can no longer be silenced. Before they could be targeted by covert government teams of assassins, we met up with a few Worm Moon survivors to hear what happened. For the sake of their safety, we will not disclose their names, only share their stories.


“I was putting my kids to bed when I saw something on Twitter about the Super Worm Moon. Being somewhat excitable by anything related to the moon, I told my kids to meet me outside to see this celestial event. Before I could even make it outside myself, I heard screaming from the yard and my youngest ran to me crying and terrified. I looked out the window and saw why. Coming out of the moon was an enormous worm peaking out of it like it was a damn apple. Without another thought, I took the kids to the basement to wait things out and hope for the best. We haven’t left yet.”


“Am I alone in this, or did we all think the moon was our friend? Well, call me crazy, but no friend of mine has ever swallowed my entire rowing team whole. It’s hard for me to say this, but I don’t think I can trust the moon anymore.” 


“I’ve always considered myself a fan of astrology, but that’s because everything always seemed so far away. Now that I’ve seen what lies even within our own orbit, I’m terrified of finding out what might lie beyond the stars. Whatever it might be, you can keep it. 


“If you ask me, this is only a sign of things to come. As climate change worsens, more large creatures are bound to fall from the sky and cause massive devastation. That’s just science.” 


Big worm on the back of the moon, huh. Our take? Not good. Not good at all.






This was written by Nathan Ellwood, who only cares about one giant worm on the back of the moon, and his name is Jesus. Follow him @NPEllwood.


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