Hey there, come closer, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You may not know this, but Taco Bell is one of the greatest institutions in the history of the world. Not only that, but they are sitting on a whole big pile of secrets that the world is only just now finding out about. We went undercover to let the world know about their secret menu, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. Now, after weeks of investigations, we have discovered that the employees have a fun little ritual of whispering prophecies to each other. And guess what? We ranked them from 1-10 just. for. you.
Eritas Daily humbly presents: Top 10 Prophecies That We Overheard Taco Bell Employees Telling Each Other.
1. “The man from the forest, he’s coming this afternoon. Make sure to leave your favorite fleece underneath your favorite tree.”
2. “Our district manager can read minds. He was abducted in his back yard and awoke with that power. Remember that time HE showed up late and puked in his office? Ever since that day he’s been reading minds.”
3. “By 2046, TBell will offer our signature Crunchwrap Supreme® in the form of a perfect-protein shake. Distributed in powder form and pedaled by aspiring fitness gurus, we will grow a fleet of multi-level marketers.”
4. “The end of your life will not be unexpected, but it will anything but planned. I am sorry to tell you this, but that’s just the way the cookie falls apart in the godforsaken bitch of an earth.”
5. “Snoop Dogg is gonna ascend soon.”
6. “I ate the last cherry blossom in the world and I can see that things will only get worse before they get better, at least in this regard.”
7. “In the year 2049, the federal government discovers the vast majority of TBell’s multi-level marketers were – at some unknown point – injected with a mixture of 60% sand and 40% beef.”
8. “You will find happiness in the middle of another world’s sun.”
9. “On October 23rd in 2031, a large and tall structure will sprout up from the volcano in the next county over. This structure will be made of steal, bones, and dirt off the backs of our overlords. I won’t be ready for it and neither will you.”
10. “The year is 2061. Sources say TBell’s fleet of multi-level marketers with sand-beef infused body types now yield a more compatible blood type than O, increasing the potential lifespan of millions. In Cool Ranch® Doritos® Locos Tacos we trust. #dabitout”
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This article was a collab between Bradon, Holly, and Nathan. Follow them here @NPEllwood @HollytheHare