Area Woman Who Did Nothing All Weekend Can’t Wait to Do Nothing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, & Thursday Night


Another week, another Monday. Here we go again. After a long weekend of rest and relaxation, the real world storms back in full force and reminds you that you are stuck in this cycle for the foreseeable future. In fact, you might never quite escape the Work Week as long as you live. This is why soaking all of the good, sweet dopamine out of your weekends is the easiest path to remaining sane in this weird, capitalist hellscape we find ourselves in. Today, we are shining a spotlight on someone we think gets this right better than anyone. Meet area woman Chandler Palmer, who after a weekend of doing nothing can’t wait to continue doing nothing Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.


What’s her secret? Well, we thought we would let her tell you about it herself.


“It all started back with my first job out of college,” Chandler begins over a cup of coffee at her home on the east side. “I was working 40 hours a week for the first time in my life and it was draining me. Not only my energy and my creativity, but my soul. All the way down to my bones, down to my toes, I knew this wasn’t right.”


*Editor’s note: we are still not sure where Chandler believes the soul is located.


“From that moment forward, I made a promise to myself to do nothing, nothing at all, with any free moment I had away from work. If I’m not in the office, you are almost guaranteed to find me on my couch, scrolling the infinite scroll, sipping a nice, refreshing beverage. Sure, sometimes I’ll have to get up to go shopping or meet a friend, but as soon as that interaction is over, bam! I’m right back on the couch.”


“At first I thought I would miss doing things, but then I realized that we live in the Golden Age of Television and I quickly got over those misconceptions. Some of my friends have judged me, tried to get me to break my schedule, and now we don’t talk very much any more. Others have accepted it and joined me in my nothingness, my chill, and we see each other when we feel like it like adults. It works.”


“I guess my advise to anyone out there looking to try my “Do Nothing” philosophy should first find a job that sucks all of the joy out of you, so that the only way you can mentally prepare for the next day is by letting your brain come to such a screeching halt that for a few hours you experience a removal from the world, a bliss that carries you through to the next conference call. That is my objective, my philosophy, and the subject of the book I am writing about it. I mean, might as well try to make a buck off this whole experiment, right?”


“Remember kids, do nothing!”


Chandler then shrugged and start checking her phone, seeming to forget we were there. We silently made our way out of her house and went home to write this story down. We still have no idea if she will ever read this or even remembers the interview. God, can you imagine? I want to get to that level.





This was written by Nathan Ellwood while he was avoiding doing nothing because if you do nothing your brain starts running in circles and no one wants that. Follow him @NPEllwood.

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