Do you ever have one of those days where you just wake up and know that it’s going to be a rough one? Well, yesterday that happened to me and the series of events that unfolded after the first time I hit snooze sent my day into a complete tailspin that I am now going to describe to you in great detail. It mainly has to do with what happened at lunch with my co-worker Brian. Now, I don’t mind hanging out with this guy around the office, but on the rare occasion where I find myself grabbing a bite with him I realize that he actually irks me quite a bit. Let me tell you why.

You see, Brian has what he likes to call “Brian’s Hot Takes” that he often brings up in the car ride to the restaurant. He tries to be subtle about this, asking me what movies I’ve seen recently or what podcasts I’ve been listening to on the commute to work, but he only does this to say something he thinks is provocative like “I didn’t see the merit in End Game” or “Nothing brings me joy like the sun anymore.” Listen guy, these aren’t hot takes, they’re lukewarm at best.

Who among us doesn’t live in a mixture of both constant worship and fear of the sun? That is not a hot take. I mean, yes, the temperature of the sun is hot but you know what I mean. He’s not saying anything new, he’s not adding a different perspective to the cultural conversation, you know what I mean? Or if he is, I just wish he would do it somewhere else.

The other day he told me that his “hottest take” was that Inception was only kind of good. A hot take can’t be that milquetoast, it has to be controversial. I’m not saying to be an ass on purpose just to do it, I mean that if you have an opinion that is unpopular about something harmless, you should express it. Not only will we learn from the discourse that will occur but we might grow as people.

I don’t think I’ve ever grown from a conversation with Brian. Nothing really happens, time just moves forward. Please pray for me.

Update: Brian asked me to be on his hot takes podcast and I think I’m gonna say yes. Wish me luck, dear readers.

This was written by Nathan Ellwood who is excited for the Met Gala coming up. So bold of them to go with the Coffin Death theme, but I just know Rihanna is gonna kill it per usual. Follow him for more @NPEllwood.