(Cincinnati, OH) All my life, I have kept my nose to the grindstone, working hard to earn what I believe that I deserve. I’ve lost friends along the way, sure, but friends don’t pay for the Tesla I’m driving. Now, I’m the area sales manager at A Company and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I worked to achieve this and damn it, I’m good at what I do. But now that I have reached this goal, I have to start thinking bigger. “Is there more to this life?” I think to myself late at night and realize yes, yes there is. I have decided to dream my dream. I want to be a regional sales manager.
I know, I know, it’s a big step, but I think I’m ready. Or maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, I mean I just got this promotion, I shouldn’t be greedy.
Or maybe I should. I just recently watched this documentary about the sales industry and they said that Greed is Good. I hadn’t ever really considered selfishness a good thing, but then I thought, “Imagine all the good I could do if I had more money. I mean, the only thing standing in the way of me doing good things is lack of money, right? So why wouldn’t a huge windfall of cash help me become a better person. I see no flaws in this logic.
In fact, I am willing to bet my entire reputation on the idea that greed is the best. I mean, can you name on person who is greedy that isn’t happy? I’m speaking superficially of course. You don’t really think someone like Elon Musk is happy, do you? He’s probably absolutely miserable every single day of his life. Could you imagine having to be Elon Musk? Talk about my actual worst nightmare.
You literally can’t think of someone, can you? Greedy people are in charge of the world and maybe it’s time we start to learn something from them. They say we’re killing the world, that seems pretty selfish, why not lean in? We’ve only got like 35 years left or whatever, might as well enjoy it.
Take what’s yours, don’t ask questions, and remember that the Moon will always be on your side. Godspeed, comrade.
This was written by Nathan Ellwood, who didn’t really “get” Boiler Plate. Follow him @NPEllwood.