Friends Gather Around to Pass $20 Bill Back & Forth to Simulate Venmo Transaction Like From the Before Times


Day 2360 Since: Another day, another routine day and yet, I still miss the Time Before. Ever Since, we haven’t been the same and each day we try out best to remember the simpler times when we had some control of our lives. You may find this hard to believe if you have forgotten the Before Times, but acid rain wasn’t really a thing and hurricanes used to only exist in the oceans. Now, we spend our days avoiding the downpours, hiding in our bunkers, eating beans. There used to be more than this. There used to be more. We’ve become so desperate that this last week I gathered around with some friends to pass a $20 bill back & forth, trying to simulate a Venmo transaction.


You remember Venmo, from the before times? Value could be transferred between parties so easily. Money and currency was something that existed on more of a conceptual basis, not something that we had to keep track of like we do now. The weird thing is that this small act, this simulation, actually made me feel something. I haven’t felt anything like that in awhile. It was like I forgot what dopamine was and how it felt. I want more.


Day 2375 Since: Today, for the first time in years, I felt a phantom buzz in my pocket. Cell phones haven’t worked Since, so why would I feel a buzz? It was weird, that feeling returned again, like a fortnight ago when we did the Venmo simulation. I actually told more people about that and the idea has been spreading. People are telling me that they felt it too. Maybe we’re onto something.


Day 2402 Since: The thieves came back in the night and stole our goat. Kevin was killed and Barbara is now married to Stephen. Life goes on.


Day 2440 Since: Jedidiah is the latest to experience the wonders of remember the Before Times. He was going for a walk and somehow visualized the entire area around him as if he was looking at Google Maps. Now, it didn’t actually work, because he got lost and fell down a small incline, spraining both ankles.


Unfortunately for Jedidiah, a sprained ankle is a more serious injury nowadays. We hope he will be able to recover quickly, but he told us that even if he doesn’t, his life was worth it for the happiness he felt remembering the Before Times. “It was like I was there again, driving for Uber and in that moment I felt something again. I don’t know if I’ll ever experience that again.”


Day 2487 Since: We’ve now lost half of our tribe to the pursuit of that rush only things from Before could conjure. I’m worried that we won’t have enough manpower to sustain our community, much less defend ourselves. This all began with that damn Venmo simulation. I knew we never should have done that. It will be our undoing, I’m sure. If this is my last entry, remember me for who I was Before, the rest has been a waking nightmare.





This was written by Nathan Ellwood, who really enjoys a good frog. Follow him around at the mall.


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