So, You’ve Found Yourself in the Bus Barn


Don’t panic, we’re going to get you out of this. The bus barn is nothing to fear, but caution is definitely firmly suggested. So, you’ve found yourself in a place that you never hoped to enter yet were always curious to know more about. Only, you have no idea where this bus barn is, how you got here, or why you have a white flag with a blue crescent symbol attached to your arm. “Where did this come from?” you wonder to yourself as the yellow, vast sea of buses begins to make your vision blur. “Am I going to be OK?” Try not to think about it too much, the buses can smell fear. But like I said, we’re here to help.


First, assess your surroundings. Do any of the buses appear to be on? Can you smell rubber burning? The wind is moving with purpose, but there is no scent in the air that you can recognize. That’s OK, smell was a long shot anyway.


Second, sight. What can you see? Are you alone or are there people hidden within the yellow? Which is more terrifying? I would recommend moving as if you are a spy in a movie. Really exaggerate everything you are doing, as if you were at an improv show. Not only will this confuse any attackers that do see you, but it has been proven in military scenarios to be a more effect stealth tactic than everything except army crawling.


Third, listening. Remember, it’s not enough just to hear, you have to listen, you have to comprehend. So, what do you hear? Are there motors running, horns tooting? Do you hear the sound of a lunging, hulking beast grunting as he makes his way to you? Well, for your sake, I sure hope not. However, if that is the case, we recommend commandeering the nearest bus and making a break for it.


Finally, touch. What do you feel? And more importantly, who are you today? Are you the type of person who is going to get out of this jam or are you going to get lost in the barn for the rest of time? That would truly be tragic. Truly, no one wants that. I swear. No one.


Not even some maniacal gamemaker who has designed this specific bus barn for you to never be able to escape. You will walk tens and hundreds, thousands and more miles without seeing anything but yellow. You will forget other colors, you will forget other smells. This is your life now. Your life within the barn. Enjoy.





This is CBS, baby!


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