Self described as “the country’s #1 egg” on their website, Eggland’s Best is one of America’s favorite companies. Watch just about any public TV program at literally any point in the day and you are bound to stumble across an advertisement for Eggland’s Best. Personally, ever since I saw a my first ad for Eggland’s Best when I was 8 at my grandparents house I’ve been obsessed with the company and more importantly, their devilishly delicious eggs. However, there is something that I have always wondered and am using my platform here today to ask. To the scientists, historians, or anthropologists who can answer this question, I ask: is the egg land described by Eggland’s Best eggs a real place or just another lie of advertising?
When I first asked my grandfather this back when I initially saw the commercial, he told me that of course there was an egg land and it was called Iowa. It wasn’t until I had gone on multiple road trips throughout the farm-filled state of Iowa that my Mom told me he had probably been joking. I was so upset by this that I ramped up my search for Eggland by double, trying to make up for lost time spent in Iowa.
Like I said, this quest has been something that has been going on for awhile and I am only now shining the public eye on it. Please do not try to correct me or say anything negative about my process, I know what I’m doing. I am also incredibly self-conscious and cannot take criticism in any form. OK, let’s move on.
After leaving Iowa, I decided to ask scholars at the nearest University I could find. I ended up in Manhattan, Kansas at Kansas State University and instantly went to the library, hoping to find some nerds. Instead, I stumbled upon what would become my closest friends and fell down a D&D whole for closer to 48 months. When I snapped out of it, I was living with two of the people I had met in the library that day with only foggy memories in between.
Utterly freaked by the experience, I decided to go right to the source: Malvern, PA. I didn’t know where in Malvern I was going, but considering there were only a few buildings in Malvern, one being the Flying Pig Saloon, I thought I could suss it out for myself. Again, I was wrong.
And so, I come to you, whoever might be reading this, please tell me, has my life been built on the lies of an advertising campaign? Is there an egg land or not? If there is, why haven’t I been able to find it? Oh, for God’s light to shine on me. For egg’s light to shine on me. Celebration!
So, yeah, let me know what you find. Thanks.
This was written by Nathan “The Egg” Ellwood. Follow him on social metaphors.