Do you know fear? Are you afraid right now? Good for you. I mean, aren’t we all? I know personally I’ve been afraid thousands of times in my life, for good reasons and for bad. Like love, fear is something that is seen as both a motivator and a detractor from understanding your true calling. So which is it? Well, we’re glad you asked. You see, according to a new report put out by an Independent Party, fear is not only useful, it’s prophetic. According to the study done of over 10,000 school children, certain fears such as nyctophobia (fear of the dark) can lead to heightened survival skills in adult life.

As someone who suffered from this phobia as a kid, I totally get it. Do you realize how often shit gets dark? At least once a day I’m told. Plus random occurrences of darkness, which you can never see coming. I believe most people refer to them as “shadows.” However, that ever-present fear molded me into the hard clay of who I am today. Let me tell you all about it.

My first memory of absolute terror was the first night I could fully conceptualize my mother turning off the lights and then closing the door behind her, leaving me utterly alone. I believe I was seven before the full weight of this landed on me. She didn’t know what was in there. She didn’t know what might be lurking in the dark.

For years, I would have trouble falling asleep because I would be absolutely paralyzed with anxiety. Absolutely paralyzed, I tell you. Then the actual sleep paralysis would kick in and I would see that disheveled old man sitting in the corner, staring at me with one good eye. My mouth would open in horrified screams, but no sound would emerge. I would slip in unconsciousness with nothing on my mind but the sweet bliss of a quick death.

In order to combat this horrible fear of everything, my parents forced me to join the Boy Scouts. Unfortunately, this backfired spectacularly. By the time I got my Eagle Scout rank, I had more fears than ever and only a few ideas on how to deal with them. I had known rational fears like those of the dark and void, but Boy Scouts taught me all new ones like peer pressure and the inevitability of failure.

Needless to say, if and when the zombie apocalypse happens, you’ll be glad to have me around. My fears have transformed into over-preparedness and while it’s not ideal, it’s better.

This was wrrrrrrrrrrrrr