Young people these days are all doing such unique and interesting things with their lives that those of us with a few more gray hairs on our heads just don’t fully understand. For instance, my nephew has recently gotten into something called Funko Pops? I thought it was a cereal before I asked him, but apparently I couldn’t have been further off. Over this last weekend, I got the chance to sit down with one such young person named Leah Sanders who has decided to take her life in a new and interesting direction. We’ll let her own words paint the picture for you, but basically she is considering moving to Carolina and getting really into racism.
“The Province of Carolina has just always struct me as a fascinating place,” Leah told us over coffee at her home here in the city. “I’ve always dreamed of moving there and pursuing my life long passion, but I never thought I would be financially able to. Thankfully, I am now happy to announce that I can leave my crumby job as a nurse and finally start chasing my dreams of racism full time.”
What, exactly, does this entail? Don’t worry, we asked her. “Well at first I think I would try something minor, like yelling at kids from my driveway or dating a police officer. You know, just to see if I have a taste for it. But after that? Who knows. There are limitless options when it comes to being a racist in America.”
After our enlightening and bizarre conversation with Leah, we followed up with some of her friends and family to find out what they had to say.
“Sounds like something Leah would do, sure,” her mom told us. “I mean, who hasn’t dabbled in racism from time to time? I know I went through a similar phase after college, but I’m sure she’ll come around.”
“Oh she’s well on her way,” a former co-worker told us. “The amount of micro-aggressions I experienced on a daily basis, let me tell you. Actually no, I don’t want to do that. Let’s just say I’m not surprised she’s moving from micro-aggressions to macro ones.”
“We couldn’t be prouder of her,” Mr. Sanders told us. “She’s following in my footsteps and I can’t wait to meet her on the other side.”
Typically we would end this with some sort of quirky comment about the nature of our country and then wish our subject good luck in their endeavors, but today I think we’ll simply say, “Good riddance.”