Has this ever happened to you? Over the weekend, in preparation of a tough week, you spend all of Sunday meal prepping to make sure that lunch is one of the few things you can check off your list. Monday morning you spend the entire AM thinking about the food you have prepared to the point where you are salivating come noon. You walk to the office fridge in order to finally eat your food and what’s this? The food is gone, stolen by a co-worker. Well I am here to tell you that was me, the office vulture, and you’re not going to believe this but I just hit the jackpot with this leftover bagel tray.

Allow me to regale you. This morning I was on the prowl for something better than the coffee in the machine and maybe even a sweet treat if I got lucky. I had just secured a cold brew from my desk mate’s mini-fridge and was doing one last lap around the office before heading back to work when all of a sudden I saw something in the office kitchen I hadn’t noticed before. Apparently, someone had order bagels for a meeting earlier in the day and the leftovers were right there for the taking.

I couldn’t believe my luck. There were multiple different kinds of bagels, ranging from sweet to savory. I had my pick of the litter! It was all I had ever dreamed of. And then, then the awful terrible horrible idea came to my mind. “What if all of this was mine?” I would be set for literal weeks!

Before anyone else could notice, I quickly and expertly stacked multiple bagels on top of each other, using my company i.d. badge and lanyard to weave through all of them, making them easy to discreetly carry back to my desk.

Once I got back, narrowly avoiding Karen from HR, I individually wrapped each bagel in paper towels before placing them gentle in my desk. Crossing my fingers I don’t forget them later, but I just had to write this article to let you know. This is why I could never be a master thief, I would want to tell everyone in the world immediately after committing the crime.

Which I guess is what I am doing now. Whoops! Jokes on you though, I already ate all of the bagels. I got paranoid while writing this and panic crammed them down my gullet. Oh god, I’m gonna feel sick. Gotta split.