Often in our lives, our greatest struggles emerge from places we never expected. For it is the surprise of anxiety that overshadows a truly great moment transpiring right in front of you. But every once in awhile, there comes a challenge that you see coming from a mile away. Before you even get into the nitty gritty of it, you can tell it’s going to be a doozy. Well folks, that sort of thing happened to me today and I have to tell you, this is gonna be tough. You see, I am an advertising professional and I have been tasked with ‘revitalizing the bog tourism industry’ singlehandedly. So, why don’t you come into the peat and stay awhile?

How’s that for a slogan, huh? Oh, you don’t think it works. No problem, there’s more where that came from. But first, a word on the brilliance of a mind at the top of its field.

In my experience, ingenuity and brilliance often go hand in hand. Personally, I have been a certifiable genius for something like 17 years. This is not some sort of braggadocios claim, I actually have had my brain studied by scientists for quite some time, hoping to better understand myself. And you know what? The empirical evidence shows that I am a brilliant genius and there is nothing you can do to tell me otherwise.

Now, when someone like that is at their peak, their absolute climax of potential in their given field, it can be a wonder simply to behold their mind in action. This has been me over the last 48 hours as I have launched this marketing campaign, as I have gone boldly where no advertising professional has dared go before. I myself went into the peat, into the bog. I am writing you now from deep within the soil and you will watch as I create the most enticing piece of commercialism since sliced bread.

I present to you, my slogan ideas for revitalizing the bog industry.

Please save your clapping until the end.

• When you’re in the bog, you’re home.
• Swampland USA, Home of the Davidson, Kenmore, and Hamilton cults.
• You won’t be found!
• Holy Moly, bog bodies galore.
• Enter a new stage of your evolution.
• Peat!
• The more I talk about the bog, the less time I spend wallowing in its moors.
• You’ll never come back!
• Soot Capital of the Midwest.
• The last place they’ll look.
• Settle down for the long nap.
• Become a god.
• BECOME A GOD!

Pretty good, huh?