It’s not secret that for years, the U.S. Government and its intelligence agencies have been slowly testing the American public to see just how far they can go. Whether this involves overthrowing Latin American governments or making up the entire concept of birds, the CIA and organizations like it will stop at nothing to confuse us in the hopes of better controlling us. As an Enlightened One, I am able to see through the fog of their deceit and decipher which memories are real and which ones have been concocted for the purpose of suppression. Lately, I have discovered a new false memory, one I always held close to my heart. This is, of course, the memory of waterbeds.

Remember waterbeds? Think again. Think real hard. Still think they were real and not a complete fallacy made up by our government? Let’s talk it through.

Waterbeds, the story goes, were originally patented in San Francisco in 1971 and became a popular trend well into the 1990s. Essentially, they were a therapy device that become a consumer good, because who doesn’t want to feel like they are sleeping while floating in a pool. And people went nuts for them. Again, this is all just propaganda, but we have to fill you in on what you already know.

But tell me, go back to your memory for a second and think of the last time you saw a waterbed. Think real hard and picture it in your mind. What did it feel like? Did it feel like a dream? You know how dreams have that logic to them when you’re in them that evaporates when you wake up? That’s an implanted memory, bro.

Everything you think you know about waterbeds is something that intentionally was put in your brain. This is not some grand conspiracy, this is fact. The CIA needed to test their ability to control our memories, so they invented a bunch of bizarre things and then implanted the memory of them into our minds. Just to see if they could do it! Remember swing dancing? Just kidding, that was another false memory.

Starting to feel as if nothing might be real? Don’t. That’s exactly what they want you to do. Instead, use this as an opportunity to educate yourself about how your government is controlling you. Don’t sweat the waterbed stuff, focus more on the things that they are doing right now to watch your every move. Trust us, it’s a lot more disturbing than this.