What’s life without some stories, right? Well listen up, because I’m here to tell you about a surefire way to make some new ones as long as you are willing to act quickly. You see, you might not have realized this, but the decade is about to end in a proximately 36 hours of me writing this. And I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t have enough regrets in the 2010s and I am not willing to let the new decade just slip into frame. I want to go out with some flare, some sizzle. So, it is my honor to present you with some great news. You still have time to make a regrettable life decision before the decade is over!
In case you were curious what kind of regrettable decisions you could make, fear not, I made a helpful list.
Drive your car into a lake. Doesn’t matter why, it’s a story regardless. Sure, you lose a car, but the life experience and badass reputation you will earn for getting out alive? Priceless.
Eat the unknown mushrooms. Have you ever been wandering through the woods and found some delicious looking mushrooms of unknown origin, but weren’t confident enough to eat them even though you really wanted to? Now is your chance to see what happens! Sure, you might end up in the hospital, but it would totally be worth it to know how those bad boys taste.
Try base jumping. Remember that movie with Queen Latifah where she thinks she is dying so she does a bunch of cool stuff as a last hurrah? Treat the next few days like that and try base jumping. What’s the worst that could happen?
Buy a fishing license. This may not seem that regrettable now, but trust me, you’ll soon see the issue. Do this before the decade ends so you can blame it on that and not your own poor life choices when it comes to bite you in the ass later.
Try stand-up comedy. This one is tricky, because it wouldn’t be regrettable for everyone. In fact, some might have a great time with it and even discover a new creative outlet. However, personally I know that the regret would come teeming out of me the moment I got off stage.
Bet the ponies. I’m not really sure how one does this or what it means exactly, but everyone I’ve ever met who knew what it meant had made very regrettable life decisions, so I’m sure it makes sense.
Eat an old burrito. Worth it? You tell me. In the new year. Once you’re over being sick of course.
Join a nunnery. Nuns are going out of style in the 2020s, so joining one now may not seem like a mistake, but trust me, no one will be caught dead in a habit come next fall.
Try pilates. For anyone whose actually done pilates, you know that this isn’t something you just try with two days left to spare. You have to study. You have to take classes. You need to know what you’re getting yourself into, let’s just say that.
So yeah, do one of these and you’ll be sure to enter the new decade looking for a fresh slate. And isn’t that what New Years is all about?