Hi, and welcome to the simulation. Every year, when you die, there is a new place you show up in order to come back into existence. For those of you who haven’t experienced this yet, don’t be afraid, we are here to guide you through this. While this might sound like a conspiracy theory or internet myth, we could not be more serious about this subject. Whether you want to believe it or not, there is an approved list of 2020 respawn locations where you can jump right back into your life. Below, we have collected each of these locations and will be sharing them with you so you can plan your death(s) accordingly.
The following respawn locations have been formally approved by an unknown entity. We do not know who they are or what authority they speak from, but they have approved this list, so we think they must be pretty smart.
The local 7/11 bathroom. Ever look up from the sink and stare at yourself for just a little bit too long before it registers that it’s you? Believe it or not, this might have been you respawning after some tragic accident. Can’t remember exactly how you got in this 7/11 bathroom? Maybe you just were reverting to your last checkpoint.
The bank waiting area. Have you ever come back from zoning out to find yourself in line at the bank, holding forms for some sort of bank business you don’t really understand? This is another example of respawning at a previous point in your timeline. Sometimes, depending on how you meet your end, this can be a jarring experience. Thankfully the serenity of a bank waiting area can be powerful enough to ease you back into reality without any hiccups.
The soup aisle of the grocery store. Rows and rows of cans lead to such intense decision paralysis that sometimes you can escape the bounds of time. When this happens, you can travel to your fatal experiences and see what happened and, potentially, how to avoid it in the future. For now, however, you’re just looking at soups.
Your workplace at 3pm on a Tuesday. Tuesdays in general are liminal spaces, but combine that with a slow workday, and time becomes untethered. Perfect for slipping in and out of existence and plenty of time to get your things together after a sudden respawn. Just don’t get lost in your thoughts.
The back of a Lyft on the way home from the airport. After coming home from a trip, your entire life feels slightly altered. This is because you haven’t lived in this timeline before.
So, yeah. If you were worried about dying, don’t! You’ll just end up in these places. Isn’t that grand?