“Iowa, am I right?” Hello everyone, meet Ashley Krimson, an area woman and aspiring influencer. Over the course of the last several weeks, Ashley has been feeling more optimistic and hopeful than usual about the political future despite all the overwhelming evidence against her. Whether this is due to the victories being won in the primaries or the fact that she has discovered a local DSA group to join, Ashley has been nigh untouchable when it comes to stressing out about politics. That is, until today, when Ms. Krimson made the mistake of having a conversation with an average voter. “I just think if they fumbled the ball with this caucus, they don’t stand a chance in November.”
Dumbstruck, Karen continued the conversation as any respectful person would, but with alarm bells ringing in her ears. “What do you mean?” she replied, hoping for the best.
“Oh you know, I’ve always had my worries about the Democrats. I just don’t think they can stick to one message or decide what they truly want to do. I’m not saying the Republicans do either, I just think they’re about equal when it comes to incompetence.”
“Equal, huh? Sure, mhmm. OK.”
“Am I wrong?” The woman scoffed. “Both sides have problems, which is why we need a third side and a fourth side and a fifth side. We should have more choices as a country, not just a choice between two evils.”
“Right, but one of them is more evil, right? Like, one is actively trying to hurt people while the others are trying to stop them. That’s not the same. This isn’t South Park.”
“I’ve never seen it so I don’t get the reference, but listen, this is just my opinion. And you can try to argue with me, but it won’t work. I already know who I am voting for, regardless of who gets the nomination.”
“Let me guess,” Ashley interjected. “Mayo Pete?”
“No, of course not. Gary Johnson.”
“What? I truly believe in more parties to choose from and the ultimate goal of libertarianism. Does that make me such a bad person?”
“No no, I just need a minute.”
And so, feeling different, Ashley returned home and opened up her phone to Twitter after crawling into bed. She’s still there now. Just about nothing will get her out. All of her hopes and optimism has been dashed. It might come back eventually, but then of course, she would have to leave the house. Which we all know isn’t going to happen.