We tried to warn you. Just remember that for later. Here’s the situation. Around town, people have been reporting a bizarre thing happening. About every fifteen minutes, a message appears on their phone indicating that their store is almost full. You may be familiar with this happening if you have an iPhone, but if you have another device, you might not have ever seen this message before. That’s right. This message is appearing even on Android phones as well. But here’s the even weirder thing: their phones aren’t close to full storage, at least not all of them. What could this mean? Who (or what’s) storage is full?

First of all, we need to address how disruptive these messages are to the general population, How are any of us supposed to use our phones? Do you know how much time I spend on my phone every day? Apple does and they won’t shut up about it, I’ll tell you that much.

Second of all, the phones are just the beginning. Peculiar things have been happening all around the city right as people surrounding the incident have their phones buzz, telling them their storage is full. Just this morning, an enormous clocktower appeared in front of my bus stop, causing huge delays. I was so caught off guard by it that it took 5 whole minutes for me to notice that the storage message had come onto my phone too. And I had just bought it too, so there is no way that was accurate.

In fact, so many reports have come in, from that school bus disappearing to the seesaw incident, all with people’s phones going crazy, that we are starting to think the two are connected. I reached out to some of my friends over at the Science Lab and they had some pretty interesting ideas about what this all could mean.

“I believe that this is a message from the universe,” explained my friend, full-time scientist, and part-time philospher Jill Stanley. “I think we should take this literally. We have finally run out of space. Or we are just about to. I think we should use this as a sign to do what we have always wanted to do with our lives. If the universe is no longer expanding, that means it is contracting, which is not a good thing. Not at all.”

She continued, “If our storage is truly almost full, then these events will keep taking place again and again until our world is no longer viable. I don’t know about you, but I’ve got some shit to do before that happens.”

Remember, this is only one scientist’s opinion, but it’s one I trust. So rather than tell you more, I’m going to take her advice and start living. Now, where is that burrito truck.

This has been a Neighborhood Watch Report. Remember citizens, the best way to know your neighbor is to watch them.