9 Tips for Making it as a Final Girl


Have you ever had just the worst day, where everything goes wrong and you just can’t stand to go on, but you make it anyway? Imagine that happening to you, but times 10. Well, we’re sorry to tell you that days like this will come for all of us. Days where the nightmares that we reserve for the nights come out and play during the day. Days where everything truly does go wrong. But here’s where you have a choice. You can live your life in ignorant bliss hoping that that day doesn’t come. Or, you can start preparing right now for when this day inevitably comes. Here’s our 9 times for making it as a final girl.


Final Girl: A trope in horror films. It refers to the last girl or woman alive to confront the killer, ostensibly the one left to tell the story.


1. Get used to the blood. Not really an easy way to practice this one, so just try to do some breathing exercises or something.


2. Never forget where you came from. At some point, the person, entity, or malevolent god that is making your day so terrible is going to give you an out. Often in exchange for your soul or something. In those moments, you need to think of home and how to get back there.


3. Prepare yourself to say “Yes.” Or, if the deal happens to be good, prepare yourself to give an enthusiastic “Yes!” and just jump right in. Sometimes this is the only way you get to live long enough to tell the story.


4. Take mental pictures. Speaking of telling the story, you’ll want to take a lot of mental pictures. We know this will be hard, as you will likely be going through some serious trauma, but trust us, the story will be so much better if you have clear images of what went down. And the story, in the end, is all that matters.


5. Have fun with it. You never know what’s going to be around the next corner, so might as well make the most out of that fact and not take yourself to seriously.


6. Keep a memento. It’s likely that you will never return to this horrid place (unless you get picked up for a sequel), so now would be the best time to get a memento. The memento may help you out later, or it may just be something that sits on your shelf and reminds you that you made it. Either way, grab and dash my friend.


7. Never go into the basement. Want to get a massive advantage on whatever is coming for you? Don’t fall for the classic blunder of going into the basement. 90% of deaths occur in the basement, so don’t go down there and you’ll probably avoid a lot of hardship.


8. Forget the attic too. The other 10% of deaths occur in the attic, so keep out of both and you will not only live, but you might not awake the curse that will haunt your family for generations. That’d be cool, right.


9. Remember that being a final girl is a state of mind more than anything. Anyone can be a final girl, but it’s up to you to make it a reality. You have the final girl inside of you, you just need to find her and let her out.


With these tips, you should be fine! Or you’ll soon find out that you are not a final girl, but the comedic relief. And we all know what happens to them.


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