With new reports coming out every year about the growing popularity of socialism amongst young people, it is up to parents, teachers, and mentors everywhere to have the tools they need to talk with kids about this topic. Primarily, how to shift their focus away from socialism and towards the Right and True economic system of capitalism. Sure, socialism sounds nice in concept, what with the affordable healthcare, government funded environmental initiatives, and ability to feel as if you actually have a say in what your government does or doesn’t spend money on. But what would happen to the stock market, billionaires, and the perpetual anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck? We’ll explore this and more in our comprehensive guide – How to Talk with Your Kids About Capitalism.

The first thing you should tell your kids when talking about capitalism is that if anyone you know uses any other word to describe how our market should work, you have the right, nay, the privilege, to spit in their eye. The type of true freedom that capitalism and America provides means that you have the ability to spit in your neighbors eye before telling them to ‘Go live in Venezuela’ or ‘Have fun spending other people’s money.’

Sure, the neighbor or ‘friend’ might respond back with something snarky like, ‘The government spends all of our money bailing out businesses and bombing the Middle East, so wouldn’t it be better to use that money on health care?’ Don’t fall for it! Instead, tell your young child that they are a weak-willed nincompoop that doesn’t deserve your retort. Tell them to exterminate all friendships with people who talk this way. Use personal anecdotes from your own life to really sharpen the wisdom you are passing down.

With the basics out of the way, your child will no doubt have questions for you. Fear not! We’ve got you covered here too. Having tested this on each of our own seven children, we know exactly which frequently asked questions to look out for and how to respond to each of them.

FAQ #1: What’s wrong with socialism? Any kid you talk to is going to immediately hone in on socialism, just because you are telling them it is bad. This is a classic adolescent response. Our advice is to not even give a response. Instead, give a hearty laugh and put on your best smug face, showing them that you know more than them and they are silly for asking.

FAQ #2: What about poor people? As a budding capitalist, your child will no doubt have questions about how to serve those with the least in our society. Again, this is something they will outgrow, but you should still be prepared for this question, so pay attention. Try giving the following response. “Well, if they want to live the way you and I do, they should pull themselves up by their bootstraps.” If your child doesn’t know what bootstraps are, simply tell them they will know more when they get older. This will by you some time to figure this out yourself.

FAQ #3: Is capitalism all about money? Finally, a simple question to answer. Yes, of course. They don’t call it capital-ism for nothing. But does that mean we should value money above everything, including human lives? Also yes.

With these questions answered, we highly doubt your child will ever be interested in socialism again. If they do, start from the beginning and explain to them that if we don’t work ourselves to the bone for a select group of oligarchs, it will make the money sad. At that point, they’ll surely do a better job of hiding their opinions from you and your job will be done.