Area Woman Declares Stay-in-Bed Order For Entire One-Bedroom Apartment


(Pensacola, FL) A couple of weeks ago, the trajectories of our lives all shifted and the unknown of that future came closer than I think any of us were prepared for. New norms are already being established as we all adjust to our present and buckle in for whatever unknowns come next. For area woman and local multi-level marketing coordinator Gabby Green, these new routines have been a welcome, leading Gabby to look for ways to take things even further. Unsatisfied with the governors state-wide stay-in-home order, Gabby has taken the logical next step and declared a stay-in-bed order for her entire one-bedroom apartment. As she would later explain, “You can never be too safe.”


We caught up with Gabby over Zoom once we saw her Facebook status about this project to learn more about what is involved in the stay-in-bed order that, according to her, is already in affect. Our call was cut short, but here is what we were able to find out.


Interviewer: Hey Gabby, can you hear us?


Gabby: Hey, can you guys hear me? 


Interviewer: Gabby, are you there? Gabby?


Gabby: Yeah, yeah I can hear you. Sorry about that. What’s up?


Interviewer: Well we wanted to talk with you about this stay-in-bed order you declared earlier today. According to your Facebook status, it sounds like you are taking this pretty seriously. 


Gabby: Yes, absolutely. I’ve decided I won’t be leaving my bed until this thing is over. I’m moved the microwave within arms reach, I have a pile of soups next to it, and I have an extendo-catheter for all my bathroom needs. Simply put, I’m set. 


Interviewer: But why? I mean, we understand that covid-19 is scary, but even this seems above and beyond what is necessary. 


Gabby: Sure, the pandemic was definitely what gave me this opportunity, but I’ve been wanting to do this for awhile now. You see, I love my bed. I love sleeping in it, napping in it, watching movies in it, and petting my cat in it. If I had the choice, I would never leave from under the covers. So when I saw the chance to try this out, I jumped at it. 


Interviewer: So, you aren’t really that concerned with the coronavirus? You just wanted to stay in bed indefinitely. 


Gabby: Yep. Definitely indefinitely. 


Interviewer: But what about work? Or volunteering to help the at-risk people in your area?


Gabby: Nah man. I just back from Cabo, so I probably shouldn’t be seeing anybody. 


And with that, we rage quit the interview. Sure, maybe not the most journalistic approach, but we’ve ready My Year of Rest and Relaxation, so we could see where this was going.


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