Local Man Who Gave Up Reading the News For Lent Taken to the Hospital in Critical Condition


(Fort Worth, TX) Over the last several weeks, we have all been subjected to an unprecedented amount of news coming from all sides. Whether it is regarding COVID-19, the Democratic primary, skyrocketing unemployment claims, or simply the latest quarantine meme to hit the web, it seems like there has been a lot more news than usual. However, since the news has been spread out over weeks and even months, it has been manageable to handle for the most part. Now, imagine you hadn’t read a word of any of that news since late February. Would probably melt your brain, right?


Unfortunately, the reason we bring this up is that this exact thing happened to someone right here in our community and, as you might have predicted, his body simply couldn’t handle it. According to our latest reports, local man and budding WW2 history buff Dan Stevens has been rushed to the hospital in critical condition after picking up a newspaper for the first time in 6 weeks.


“We are monitoring his vitals,” one doctor on the scene told us. “But we have no idea what’s going on in his head. We’ve put him into a medically induced coma to try and slow down his brain activity, but so far it hasn’t dropped even an inch. We’re working together with our staff to find the best route for his recovery. Excuse me.”


But how did this happen? Well, as you may know, Christian churches around the globe have been observing Lent as a way to give something up and focus on God between the holidays of Ash Wednesday until Easter, which was celebrated this last weekend. According to his family, Dan had been giving up on reading the news during this period as his way of focusing on his faith.


“We just didn’t want to spoil that for him,” explained Barb Stevens, Dan’s wife of 32 years. “Sure, he was curious about why we were around the house more, but telling him the reason why would have qualified as ‘news’ and no one had the heart to tell him. He seemed to really be enjoying his time without the extra anxiety of daily news stories. I realize now that we should have given him some heads up before he dove right in again.”


His daughter, Kendra, explained further. “Typically Dad is a huge news junkie, often reading the entire newspaper front to back. I should have know this time was tough on him, but we thought that this level sacrifice was the reason he was doing this at all. I should have told him to start with something easy, like Kobe dying, before opening up the whole worldwide pandemic can of worms. I just want him to know I’m sorry.”


Thankfully, doctors believe that Dan will be able to pull through this with the right medication and counseling. “People get overwhelmed all the time,” another doctor told us. “Sleeping for a few weeks might be just what he needs after a shock like that.”


From all of us here at Eritas Daily, we wish you a speedy recovery, Dan.


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